Emotion Dysregulation

What emotion dysregulation is

When emotions are dysregulated, reactions can be stronger than the moment calls for, hard to predict, or slow to fade. This can happen on an ordinary day, not just in a crisis.

From the outside it may look like big mood swings or reactions that seem to come out of nowhere. On the inside it often feels lonely, like nobody quite gets what is happening. It can strain relationships and wear you down. It is often connected to conditions such as ADHD, bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder.

Signs to notice

It looks different for everyone, but people often describe:

• Having a hard time settling down after something upsets them.
• Sadness, crying or anger that is intense or lasts a long time.
• Avoiding situations or conversations that might stir up feelings.
• Doing or saying things on impulse when emotions run high.
• Struggling to name their own feelings or read the feelings of people around them.

Many people also carry guilt, shame or frustration about how they react, which can make everything feel heavier.

Why it happens

Usually several things are involved at once. Trauma, neglect in childhood, or care that was unpredictable can make it harder to learn how to manage feelings. Genetics and neurological differences can add to it. Over the years these patterns can become hard to change on your own, and that is not a personal failing.

How I help

The goal is to understand your reactions and build skills to handle them. Here is what we may use:

• Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) skills. DBT skills training gives you concrete tools for calming strong emotions, getting through hard moments without making them worse, and handling relationships more smoothly. Mindfulness is built into it.
• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). We look at the thoughts that fuel big reactions and practice more balanced ways of seeing things, which can take some of the heat out of them.
• Mindfulness. Learning to notice what is happening right now gives you a moment to pause before you react.
• Medication, if needed. When something like anxiety or a mood disorder is part of the picture, medication may help. That is a conversation to have with your doctor, and therapy can work alongside it.

Where to begin

Feeling overwhelmed by your own emotions is exhausting, and you don't have to sort it out alone. In our work together we look at where your patterns come from and practice skills that fit your life. Most sessions are online by secure video for clients anywhere in California or Idaho, and I also see clients at my office in San Fernando. I work in English and Spanish.